I used to think all parents are good. I used to think all mothers love their children with all the fiber of their being, they are willing to give away their life and sacrifice everything to save their children.

Until I met people who were neglected by the parents. Severely neglected. Verbally, emotionally, and at times even physically abused. This was when I realized not all parents are created equal. We preach about loving our parents when they get old but forget about the pain, trauma, and turmoil some parents cause their children. Pain that these children carry with them throughout their lifetime. Years of neglect and abuse have damaged the children beyond repair. Its this pain that drives adult children away from their parents. These children are in pain.

Children of abusive and neglectful parents often carry the pain and trauma well into adulthood. They remember the hurtful things said to them by the parents. When the parent told neighbors the child was “lazy”. When the parents made the child feel worthless.

When the parents blamed the kid for accidents that happened to the siblings. When it was supposed to be the parents looking after the kids in the first place.

Kids remember all the familial responsibilities placed upon their shoulders and the blame put on them because things didn’t work out. Kids carry this trauma well into adulthood especially after they realize that it was supposed to be the parents’ responsibilities that they were demanded to carry.

Kids remember the lack of willingness to provide for their needs. The non chalant response to pleas, and to pain.

The neglect and lack of love.

Children remember that. Children carry the pain and trauma for years. Decades of neglect can cause irreversible damage to children.

And I take this as a lesson while raising my kids.The things I do now, the words I say, the actions I show will affect my children and these effects may be life long.

Do we show them unconditional love so they grow up carrying love in their hearts, or do we neglect them? Abuse them (verbally?emotionally?)? Do we ignore their needs? So they grow up carrying the pain and resentment?

The choice is yours. But remember that the damage we may cause our children due to neglect and abuse can stay with them forever. And when we are old we may never ask for love from the children we failed to love.